One of our most popular workshops is called “Presenting with Presence.” In that workshop, we examine research about leadership presence, and it’s not surprising that “confidence” is a major ingredient. It’s simple then. If you want to have presence, just “be confident.”
That’s like telling someone the secret to financial security is to “be rich.”
Although some Zen practitioners might disagree, “just be” is a pretty murky instruction. Fortunately, there are research-proven things we can do that can help us feel confident and project confidence, especially in the moments when it matters most.
This article explores a confidence-summoning tool.
When Confidence Goes Missing
It’s important to note that even though we think of some people as confident and others as lacking confidence, confidence is a spectrum. No one is “confident” in every situation. Many high achievers feel confident in some situations. But inconveniently, confidence often leaves us when we need it most.
We might lose confidence before we present to a group of senior leaders, meet with a client decision-maker, or walk into a difficult conversation. At other times we feel good about our skills and value, and then that feeling is gone.
It’s terrible timing, because these are often the tipping-point moments when people form impressions of our presence and who we are.
What’s interesting is that when you lose confidence, you haven’t suddenly become less capable. The experience and abilities you had yesterday haven’t been “lost.” They’re just not front and center in your current experience, in your working memory. Psychologists call the self-knowledge that’s active in a given moment your “working self-concept.”¹
“When you lose confidence, you haven’t suddenly become less capable. The experience and abilities you had yesterday haven’t been “lost.””
If there were a tool you could use to return confidence to your current experience, that would be a valuable tool, right?
Tool: Return to Confidence
One way to “find” your confidence is to bring your value back into your immediate experience of who you are. You do this by giving your brain a task that focuses your attention on your strengths and what you have to offer, then repeating that task. As you do, thoughts about your value begin to occupy more of your working memory. Instead of being filled with doubts about your abilities, your mind is filled with reminders of what makes you capable. And because those reminders are now part of your present experience of yourself, you begin to feel and be more confident.
Here’s the sequence you can repeat. It generally takes only one minute or so.
- Ask “What’s something I’m good at in [this arena]?”
- Answer Come up with an answer even if it takes you a bit.
- Repeat Repeat until the answers are flowing.
For example, if you’re preparing to give a presentation at work and you’re not feeling confident:
- Ask yourself: “What’s something I’m good at at work?”
- Come up with an honest answer. It might take a second.
- Then ask, “What else am I good at?” Repeat until the answers start to come easily.
And SURPRISE, you will probably notice your confidence returning.
The best thing about this technique is that it works. Consider trying it right now. Set a 1-minute timer on your phone, and give it a shot.
This Sounds Like Affirmation. Isn’t That Touchy-Feely Hokey Pokey?
Nope.
You don’t need to sit in lotus position, stare into a mirror, and tell yourself you matter to get value from the strong science behind bringing positive self-knowledge to mind.
Journal-published research has shown that techniques like this lead to physical effects like lowered stress indicators, including reduced cortisol.² They also significantly improve measured performance during stressful situations.³
One neuroscience-focused study published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that reflecting on positive core values activated reward centers in the brain.⁴
If you’re feeling calm, rewarded, and capable of performing well… that sounds a lot like confidence.
The next time you’re about to walk into a high-stakes moment and feel your confidence slipping, don’t just tell yourself to be confident. That’s not going to work. Instead, take a minute to repeatedly remind yourself what you’re good at.
These are the kinds of practical, science-based techniques we unpack and rehearse in Gravity Learning’s Presenting with Presence workshop.
Ready to bring more presence to your team’s next big moment?.
Our Presenting with Presence workshop gives you practical, science-based tools to feel and project confidence when it counts.
Explore the Gravity workshop: "Presenting with Presence"
References
- 1. Markus, H., & Wurf, E. (1987). The dynamic self-concept: A social psychological perspective. Annual Review of Psychology, 38, 299–337. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.ps.38.020187.001503
- 2. Creswell, J. D., Welch, W. T., Taylor, S. E., Sherman, D. K., Gruenewald, T. L., & Mann, T. (2005). Affirmation of personal values buffers neuroendocrine and psychological stress responses. Psychological Science, 16(11), 846–851. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01624.x
- 3. Creswell, J. D., Dutcher, J. M., Klein, W. M. P., Harris, P. R., & Levine, J. M. (2013). Self-affirmation improves problem-solving under stress. PLOS ONE, 8(5), Article e62593. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0062593
- 4. Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2016). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136
